Our Little Miracle is Processing A Lot!

We had a sweet night with Ford tonight. We have wanted to give Ford the opportunity to talk about Rachel or process his visit while it's fresh on his mind, if he wants to, never to force him to do so. Liz Kaufmann suggested we might do "art therapy" with him to help him process the visit. So, God gave me the idea of making a book, with the whole family, of our "Los Angeles trip." (Hilarious side note - Ford started calling Los Angeles "Alex City" for some reason. L.A. and sweet little Alex City, AL aren't exactly the same, but it warmed our hearts to hear him shout as he looked at the skyscrapers of L.A. out the car window, "Ook at Alex City, Mom and Dad!") Anyway, I developed all of the pics from our trip - ice skating, spending the night with Lisa and Harrison, fun at the Santa Monica Pier, and the visit with Rachel. I used to make books like this with my 1st grade class. So, Ford and Milly dictated what I should write under each photo, which I had taped on card stock. They then taped an "emotions face" that I had made by each picture, expressing how they felt in those pictures. One picture was of Ford and me on a roller coaster over the Pacific Ocean at the Santa Monica pier. Crazy, huh? But, our dare devil actually said he was a little "scared" on the "up and down hill" part, so we put a scared face on that page. So, here is what he said when we got to the pictures of our time with Rachel: "Thank you, Aunt Rachel, for the Hot Wheels thing and my monster jammies. " On the next page, there was a picture of just Ford and Rachel. We didn't get them to pose for this. I just snapped a candid while they were waiting for Milly to get in the picture with them. So, this is what Ford said for how he was feeling in this picture: "I am mad." So, I listened and waited and then asked, "Do you know why you are mad?" He couldn't articulate it at first. I then asked again, "Do you know why your heart is mad about this picture?" He said, "Because I don't like Rachel." Me: "Okay. (Pause) Do you know why you don't like her?" Ford couldn't come up with an answer at first, but then he so tenderly said, "Because I like Mama and Daddy." Wow. I had to hold back the tears. That made sense. He is soooo sweet, and Stephen and I both melted as we heard him say this. Ford then added, "And I like Ginnylu and Daisy (Lisa and Harrison's adorable daughters) and Jo Jo (his new nickname for Virginia Grace) and Milly." He then proceeded to place the "mad face" on top of Rachel's face. "I want to put it over Rachel's face. I don't want any more pictures of Rachel." Stephen said, "I like Rachel. I like Emmy, too (Rachel's friend that was in one of the pictures from the visit)." I wanted to give him the freedom to feel how was feeling and yet speak highly of Rachel like Stephen had done, so I said gently said, "Ford, it's okay to not like Rachel." And a little later I added, "Rachel is a wonderful lady." Stephen and I want to communicate to Ford that he is ALWAYS our son and we are ALWAYS his Mama and Daddy and he will never leave us, in case he might be wondering if Rachel will ever be his mother someday. I don't know what he was thinking or is thinking, but we need to make sure that he knows he will NEVER leave our family. He knows our incredible DEEP love for him and we know his deep love for us. We love our little miracle. So, please pray for him as he is processing a lot right now. And pray for us to have wisdom. If you have any suggestions on how we should follow up with what he said tonight, please email me your thoughts. We are seeking wise counsel:) We don't want to talk about the visit much more or overdo it. Just want to do and say as the Spirit leads.
Thanks again for walking this journey with us, for reading my processing thoughts about all of this, and for LOVING our buddy Ford!
B

The Gift of Our Adoption - Our Visit Went Well

Well, our visit with Ford's birthmother, Rachel, was good and hard. Thank you all for your prayers. We felt carried by them, for sure. God was present with each one of us. HE gave Ford, Rachel, and us strength. He even moved in Milly's heart at the end of the visit to blow Rachel a kiss, which then Ford followed with his tender "blowing her a kiss." It was all sort of surreal.
Ford was shy at first, understandably so, and Rachel was so understanding and was respectful of him and us the whole time. He warmed up as he rode his bike without training wheels down a big grassy hill (he has no fear), with his Daddy running by his side. He even began looking back at Rachel and me to make sure we were watching:) Rachel so generously poured gifts on Ford, Milly, and Virginia Grace as well as "Mom and Dad", as she strategically wrote on the outside of our gift, I think as a way to respectfully say to us, "YOU are His mama and daddy." The gifts were so thought out - cozy boy PJs for Ford, which he hugged tightly after opening them and which he wore them the next 2 nights in a row, matching outfits in the right sizes for Milly and VG, the coolest Hot Wheels case and Hot Wheels for Ford, and an academic puzzle and about 20 academic CDs and DVDs for him (she is a part-time Kindergarten aid, and her teacher created this CD/DVD series for learning to read, which she was so excited to give Ford). She obviously cares so much for him, and wants to be a part of his academic development. She also gave Milly a praying doll, that prays when its hands touch together, and Virginia Grace a cuddly caterpillar. She gave Stephen and me four Christmas books to read to the kiddos. Thoughtful beyond belief. Rachel let us know this visit that she is on welfare, has no health insurance, and she and her 5 children (all from her ex-husband) were "homeless for 4 months." Their apartment building got foreclosed, so the 6 of them had to split up. Her oldest two sons, Gabriel, 19, and Jonathan, 18, went to live with their grandmother (her ex-husband's mom), who takes them to church with her :) , and she and her 3 daughters, Sarah, 16, Rebekah, 15, and Hannah, 13, lived with different friends for those 4 months. Now the 3 girls and Rachel are renting 1 room in a friend's house. It is so sobering to hear all of this from this precious woman who so selflessly chose to give her child to our family. Rachel told me that Michael, Ford's birthfather, and she had a falling out and haven't spoken since January. Michael got married and has a newborn daughter. Michael did ask Rachel to let her know when Bethany Christian Services contacted her about our next visit, but Rachel's computer crashed and she lost all of his contact info. I am comforted to know that he does want to keep up with Ford, even if it is just through letters and pictures. Rachel doesn't have a car, so her best friend, Emmy, drove her and was a sweet part of our visit. So, Emmy, Rachel, Stephen, and I held hands in a circle of love and prayed to our Father, who adopted each one of us. After we all had said goodbye and Ford and Milly had blown their kisses, God put it on my heart to give Rachel a hug, from one Mom to another, and I had the privilege of sharing these words with her from deep within my heart: "Rachel, Stephen and I admire you so much. You are such a courageous, selfless woman, and we can never thank you enough for choosing to preserve Ford's life and for giving him to us." Tears were filling my eyes, and hers, I think. We parted ways, and in the safety of my warm car, that I don't take for granted, knowing that Rachel does not have a car, the tears began streaming down my face. Ford could not see my tears, but if he had, I would have told them that they were "happy tears", as we call some tears. They were also sad tears. Happy for the indescribable gift of Ford and for the inexpressible gift of my own adoption into God's family. As my across the street 90-year-old, saint-like neighbor, Maria, always says repetitively in response to what Jesus has done for us, "Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!"
Please continue to pray for sweet Ford as he processes this past week and as he is beginning to understand his adoption. Our prayer is that he will be proud of it and see it as such a special, unique part of his story. Please also lift up Rachel and Ford's 5 half siblings, and Michael, Ford's birthfather, and his daughter/Ford's new half sister.
Many thanks for walking through this wonderful journey with us. We are grateful for each one of you, our amazing family and community. May we all understand this Christmas the amazing grace of our own adoption into God's family. Ford's precious, miraculous life reminds us of that daily.

"The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, 'Abba, Father.' " ~Romans 8:15

Please Pray For Our Visit with Ford's Birthmother, Rachel

Friday at 2:30 pacific time, we will be meeting with Ford's
birthmother, Rachel, at the park near L.A. where we have met her in
the past. We cherish your prayers. The last time we visited her was
spring, 2009, right after Ford had turned 3. He's now almost 5 (how
can that be:) ). He is much more aware and his sweet little heart is
processing so much. When we told him that we were going to visit his
birthmother Rachel, he told us that he didn't want to visit her. When
we asked him "Why?", he said, "I liked her as a baby, but I don't like
her now." I told him that she loves him very much. He told us the
next time that our upcoming visit came up, "I don't know Rachel. I
know Aunt Rachel (Rachel Fairly Robinson)." Stephen told him that
she is a wonderful lady and that he grew inside her tummy and that he
thought he'd like her. Ford has the sweetest little heart - he
replied after thinking about it for a while, "Okay, Daddy. I will
like Rachel." The next night, Stephen asked Ford and Milly if they were excited to go ice skating the next day. They both instantly said, “Yes!” Then Ford added, “And we are going to see my birthmother, Rachel. But…I only like Michael.” (his birthfather who we haven’t mentioned in almost a year). I called our adoption agency after these convos this
past week to ask them if we might ought to cancel our visit. We don't
want to force these visits on him. After much counsel and prayer, we
believe it is best to go through with this visit on Friday. We are
going ice skating with the Howards in Santa Monica after the visit (we
are so excited, Lisa) so Ford has something fun to look forward to
tomorrow. He is the most resilient, loving little guy, so we have no
doubt that he will be so fine during the visit. We will be the
nervous ones, and I imagine Rachel will be, too. Pray for us all. If
Ford decides next year that he doesn't want to go, we most likely
won't go because he will clearly remember our visit on Friday and will
be old enough to have strong feelings about these visits. Thank you
for walking through our wonderful journey of adopting Ford and raising
him. He is such a gift to us all! Thank God with us for the miracle
of his precious life and thank Him for so generously giving Ford to
the Phelan Phamily.